I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You may now shotgun with the bride
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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