A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
