TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
