I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
