I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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