? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
