my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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