I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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