How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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