So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
