you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
