Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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