If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
