He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
