he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
