We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
