I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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