I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
