So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
