Me too!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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