So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
