But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
one two three fourrrrnication!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
