nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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