OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
