I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
