definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
