6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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