i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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