Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
