so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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