my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
