took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
