I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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