Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
