no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
