remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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