last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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