sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
