3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
