you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
