im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you had me at cake vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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