; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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