I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She bit a glass in half.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
