I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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