We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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