It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
