Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
