you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
