Someone shit on the floor
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
