Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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