I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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