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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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